funny TOS that i made up (do you skim over TOS too?)

Thank you for choosing FriendMessenger, the chatting service where your internet safety is our priority. By signing up, you are agreeing to the following terms and conditions:

1. You must be at least 13 years old to use our services, but as long as nobody notices you’re younger than 13, we don’t really care.
2. Our app is constantly updating and adding new features to improve your experience! However, if you are a free user of our app, you most likely won’t be getting any of those new, and excellent features! Additionally, we may remove features that we feel are no longer useful. This also includes removing things from our privacy policy without you noticing.
3. You may upload any file into our services, but we expect you to know whether or not it is lawful. We also now own the files you have just uploaded, and we can do anything we want with it. Nothing is stopping us from claiming it as our own! This is clearly just to make sure that we can easily take down your files in case they violate our guidelines, nothing else.
4. We care a lot about making our app a safe environment, so you may report content that violates our policies. We have the right to review and remove content, but that doesn’t mean we’ll use it!
5. Our app is free for you to use! Basic functions like messaging your friends are completely free, but everything else may require you to purchase. This includes, but is not limited to, decorating your profile, having more than two friends, ect.

By signing up to FriendMessenger services, you agree to all of these terms and conditions, and we will gladly bring them up in court, just in case.

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This TOS is directly based off a certain chatting service TOS. A lot of these are genuine points made in the TOS, just either exaggerated or adding parts that are hidden with bigger words just to throw one off.

For example, the TOS I based it off mentioned that they “have the right, but not the obligation, to review such reports and block or remove content at our discretion.” In my TOS, I reworded it to say they have the right to review and remove content, but it doesn’t mean they’ll use it. I made it so that this idea wasn’t hidden behind big and fancy words.

I also feel like this parody TOS also does a good job of distracting you from hidden phrases you’d only read if you read in depth- if you were to skim through, you’d likely only see the larger words, like “excellent”, “additionally”, “environment”, and completely avoid the fact that the sentence right after it talks about something less than ideal for a user.

Most people just don’t read the TOS because it’s a huge block of text, which I think this TOS does slightly. I’m sure there could be more than this, like legal terms and stuff, but even if it’s not the largest block of text, it’s still enough to encourage someone not to read it.